So I have this affection for Pac-Man. And, oddly, it really seems to fit me on some even higher level. Not necessarily that I am the oblong, or circular orb that eats his way through life.....(no, despite the co-incidental similarities, this is not what I mean) but the phenomenon of the bonus guy. It seems, that every time I play Pac-Man, just moments after earning my bonus guy, I die. Or rather, my character dies. I can be so greatly plugging along, get that 10,000 point bonus little dude--and then wham! I promptlt run right into one of those tricky randomly moving little m&m ghosts and poof! Am no more. My gain, is instantly null. My achievement, moot. My advance, demoted to staying just where I am, or was, or in anyway, will now be.
I can get tripped into feeling my own sense of pride of status...advancement, comfort, security--I CAN get fooled into thinking I have already arrived at my happiness...and then all of that (or less dramatically, some of that) can....WHAM! Slip away. Yes, sure! I AM overly-sensitive! I know that! I take every gesture, or comment, or scarcastic moment and elevate its weight a thousand times beyond its intended effect--but still....BUT STILL....it CAN be that I can feel my security--my bonus guy--poof away just at the places I am feeling most content and statisfied and I can be justified in feeling hurt and afraid and I have to wonder WHY? Is it me? Or is it that my destiny is different than I think it is? I remember once telling Clay that I thought I was here on earth to help elevate everyone else--but took no stock in deserving my own elevation. I am who I am who I am and that is just who I am and who I will be. No advances, no bonusus, and dash it all, apparently so little saftey in being still. Little Pac-Man me....keep turning those corners, and watch out for your numbers as they climb. Gettiing near to 10,000 might not mean the step ahead you were thinking it would be....getting there doesn't necessarily mean you've earned any extra life or any higher a place on the record-board. It might seem radom, but really--they come at you in only one way....every where they have been before--and will be again and again and again. You've seen this all before.....
Days 6-8: Moving
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If you were to choose the elements of a perfect place to live, you might be
like a deer caught in headlights. Sometimes, you have to go somewhere else
to s...
2 comments:
"I take every gesture, or comment, or scarcastic moment and elevate its weight a thousand times beyond its intended effect..." = I LOVE YOU! Sometimes in the game of Pac-Man I want to be the dots that he eats. You know, Game Over, they reappear. Lots of times I wish I could have a Game Over (although, I hear that is called marriage) and have a new go. I guess that is why we have tomorrow's?
When I started training for my 1/2 marathon I was pretty exhausted at the end of a two mile run. I had just had a baby, my hips and pelvis were re-establishing their groove, and my endurance was pretty lame. I ran 5 days a week. I rested when I wasn't running. I stretched myself. And 6 weeks later I ran 6 miles and finished feeling great. 6 weeks after that I was running 10. And yet, all along the way, I couldn't see that I was making progress. The discovery of my slow and steady progress was all in hindsight. I'd recognize my gained strength when I was pushed on a run that was longer than I thought I could do I poof, I'd do it faster and stronger than I thought I could. Change and progress comes slowly, in increments so small they seem almost imperceptible. But change and progress come....ever....so....slowly.
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