You will see what you see

This week has been...well, in the words of Dwight Moody...

"I have had more trouble with myself than with any other (wo)man I've met".

The really great reward, though, is my ability to feel the love of the Spirit MORE because of it! Monday I took what will end up being my last foster care placement for some time. Though only temporary...(a few days or weeks I know not) I have had SUCH a growing experience, even already by deciding to redirect my charitable-life! My decision came not because of V, who comes as Joe refers "to be introduced best as only 'a teaching moment'" but because of all the growth the last 48 hours gave me in understanding my place in my family, my community and with my God. Some of the hardest things....some of the real questions...are the ones that obtrude upon your consciousness whether you like it or not, the ones that make your mind start vibrating like a jackhammer, the ones that you "come to terms with" only to discover that they are still there. The real questions refuse to be placated. They barge into your life at the times when it seems most important for them to stay away. They are the questions asked most frequently and answered most inadequately, the ones that reveal their true natures slowly, reluctantly, most often against your will. And, as Helen Keller said, "{Questions cannot be answered} in ease and quiet. Only through experience of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, ambition inspired, and success achieved."

Yeah, it's been another pondering week!

V is an eight year old boy, with a truly infectious laugh. He is completely and utterly poopie, defiant and has a soil-mouth usual for 17 and not 8 year olds. Still, I can see his light, even the light God gave him, and I know we are all learning. It was a hard hard choice to ask the foster-care director to find him a new home, even after only 24 hours. He will be a long term placement, and I know this home cannot support him for the months or years it may be until he goes home. It was harder still to ask her to take my name from her registry as a foster home. There is nothing about V that made that decision, and it's been a real action of faith to bring me to this place: This break in my definition.

Joe and I have had some truly unparalelled conversation these last 48 hours. He has an incredible way of encouraging the spirit in our talks, and I feel so strongly blessed. Long ago I accepted that indeed God puts people in our lives. And, there are moments it becomes so clear WHY. Joe has proven this to me again and again, and yet I doubt I really have felt the COMPLETE reason he's here with me. I doubt anything short of a lifetime would bring me that understanding. (Of course, I can't wait to find out!) Every moment has made me better. I pledge myself to seeing this out.

Bless a thing and it will bless you. Curse it and it will curse you...If you bless a situation, it has no power to hurt you, and even if it is troublesome for a time, it will gradually fade out, if you sincerely bless it. I feel so grateful to see the blessings of my life!

In my family, every night we do highs and lows. We tell each other the best and the less than best thing of our day--always having a high, but not required to have a low. For my week so far my highs and lows look like this:

HIGHS

1. Seeing my children rise up to places most people don't expect children CAN.
2. Working for WONDERFUL families and even better kids!
3. Feeling accepted, needed, valued and SEEN.
4. Wicked good dinners (I've soooo appreciated my ability to provide for my family lately!)
5. Debbie, V, and all others attached to them
   
6. Getting Mangus to let go of the Chipmunk so it could run away

LOWS

1. Forgettting NOT to judge my present based on my past
2. Mosquitos
   
3. Seeing Jonah cry (It just doesn't seem right he would)
   
4. Temptations of the caloric nature
5. Early Mornings
6. That the chipmunk likely had puncture wounds that were fatal anyhow.

Has your week been at all like mine? Filled with major things to think about, work-though and find acceptance with? Yeah, you can laugh! It's okay! THAT'S ALL OUR WEEKS! Well, all I can leave you with is a virtual hug and this message from heaven:

You will see what you see

What do you want that to be? You will see it, if you look to find it...whatever that is.

XOXO